Steadfast Soldier
by Angelus1
Summary: Sometimes it takes losing it all to realize what matters most.
1. Moulin Rouge

Title: Steadfast Soldier (1/3: Moulin Rouge)  
  
Author: Angelus  
  
E-mail: angelus1317@hotmail.com (Please put "Soldier" on the subject line.)  
  
Subject: Dawson's Creek.  
  
Category: PJR.  
  
Rating: G.  
  
Summary: Sometimes it takes losing it all to realize what matters most.  
  
Spoilers: Dunno the name of it - it's the fourth one from the end.  
  
Archive: Anywhere, just ask me first.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters. They belong to WGN and Kevin Williamson. They're used without permission, yadda yadda yadda, and I'd say I was sorry for that, but that'd be lying.  
  
Author's notes: My first attempt at a DC fic. I've only watched a few episodes, so if my continuity's a bit off, please forgive me. Oh, and if Dawson and Joey get married next week and you never hear from me again, it's because I've shot myself.  
  
Dedication: To Sara, yet another person who helped me realize just how fleeting friendships become when people begin to believe that they're someone important.  
  
~*~  
  
Joey Potter was ecstatic. For once in her life, she was throwing caution to the wind. Taking a chance, crossing the line, being spontaneous. Up until now, she had been too scared to do any such thing. She was pretty sure it all went back to her dad, who hadn't thought about the consequences of his actions. To compensate for such, she herself over-thought the consequences. What if this happened, what if that didn't work, what if she didn't get into a good college, what if space aliens kidnapped her in the middle of the night?  
  
But now, here she was, kicking Audrey out of the room so she could pore over the book Eddie had given her, to start planning their spur-of-the-moment, wonderful, educational, romantic European tour. She would see the Berlin Wall, Big Ben, the Eiffel Tower, the Sistine Chapel...all with Eddie.  
  
She was still not sure how he had done it - broken down her defenses, gotten under her skin, convinced her to do what she was doing right now. But after 20-plus years of fear, all it had taken was him.  
  
A year ago, Audrey had dragged her to the movies to see her new favorite: Moulin Rouge. Joey had to admit that it was the perfect film for her friend: it was loud and flamboyant and melodramatic, but sweet and loveable at the same time. And after watching it once, oohing and aahing over the costumes and the sets singing the music repeatedly, they had gone to see it again.  
  
But this time, Joey had been entranced by the character of Christian. The first time she had watched it, she had barely noticed him any more than any other character. But Audrey - and Jen, who'd also seen it - hadn't been able to shut up about how hot he was, so she'd picked him out this time.  
  
And then she'd fallen in love with him. Or, rather, with the character - the personality. She was Joey, after all, and she wasn't going to go around mooning after some unimaginable, unattainable fantasy. But There was just something about him - about his innocence and devotion and persistence that she had felt drawn to. And when Eddie had come into her life, perhaps that was why she had instantly become so attracted to him - because she realized that there were people like that in the world. He, like Christian to Satine, had the power to make her do things she'd never dreamed of.  
  
And she had never been more in love.  
  
Happily, she flipped the book open to the first page. It was time to take that leap.  
  
But then she had to look at the phone. At that small, neat square of pastel paper with her name printed on the front of it. And before she even rose from the bed, she knew what it was.  
  
It was goodbye. For the last time.  
  
Joey didn't even open it. She didn't want to hear his rationalizations or his excuses, or his voice in her ear. So she ripped the closed envelope and the letter inside it into tiny little pieces. Then she flung open the window and let the wind carry away what she should have known from the beginning was nothing more than a beautiful dream. 


	2. Second Best

Steadfast Soldier (2/3: Second-Best)  
Angelus angelus1317@hotmail.com  
See first chapter for disclaimer, etc.  
  
Author's Notes: I have only seen a limited number of DC episodes. I called Joey's sister Bessie, but I'm not sure if that's her name or not, and I didn't even try and guess the name of the black boyfriend in the first episode. In fact, I don't even know if they're still together, or living in Capeside. For my sake, though, let's just pretend they are, huh?  
  
~*~  
  
Pacey wandered aimlessly through Capeside. He still wasn't sure what he was doing back here. Coming to Capeside sort of implied that he was going to tell Dawson about the Stepatech stock, but he was nowhere near ready for that: he was nor longer the fearless, tell-it-like-it-is Pacey of yesteryear. It was funny, he mused. He'd taken more hits after he'd left Capeside than he had when he was still there, despite how determined he'd been to get out.  
  
Stepatech, his life's savings, Dawson's life savings, Dawson's trust in him, Joey, Sadia...all gone. His world had suddenly crumbled around him and he hadn't seen it coming. Just a few weeks ago, he'd been cuddling with Joey in his big, fancy apartment, his job perfectly secure and promising great things to come.  
  
On second thought, maybe he *should* have seen this coming. After all - him in a suit, raking in cash like it was water? Please. No matter how much he tried to grow up, to play corporate games with the big kids, inside he would still always be awkward, insecure, class clown Pacey Witter.  
  
And then there was Joey. His whole life, she had belonged to Dawson. Even after their time together, when he'd thought he'd finally found all he needed, she'd gone back to him. But then for her to show up in his life again when things already seemed so perfect? She was just the last straw before the scale tipped - he should have known that.  
  
But who was he to resist her? How could he? It wasn't like he'd ever been able to before. He couldn't help it; he was weak for her. All she had to do was smile at him and he fell. Every time, like clockwork.  
  
And this last time, it hadn't even been Dawson; it had been Eddie what's-his-face who'd already left her twice before, yet still she was falling into his arms and leaving Pacey in the dust. Maybe it was just time he accepted it once and for all - no matter how hard he tried, he was never anything more than second-best.  
  
And yet still, her he was. Wandering had inevitably led him here, to the Potter's house. He could always go in, he supposed. Say 'hi' to Bessie. But that would probably look a bit too pathetic and stalkerish. So instead, he settled for sitting on the dock, looking out into the clear, undisturbed waters that had been the background for his childhood.  
  
And then he saw the familiar, rickety old canoe, paddles still in it. He could almost picture Joey in the front seat at fifteen years old. That's what he'd do; he'd take a ride down the creek, past his house and the Leery's, and maybe have a better idea of where to go and what to do in this miserable, practically abandoned town.  
  
He was already in the canoe, oars in his lap, about to untie the rope, when he heard the voice behind him; her voice. He didn't even have to turn around; he'd recognize it anywhere.  
  
"Mind if I join you?" She asked. Then he did turn around, with a wide grin on his face despite it all, because if there was ever anyone ho could make him feel better, it was Joey Potter.   
  
"Of course," he replied. 


	3. A Trip Down Memory Creek

Steadfast Soldier (3/3: A Trip Down Memory Creek)  
Angelus angelus1317@hotmail.com  
See first chapter for disclaimer, etc.  
  
Author's Notes: I completely made up the clearing. Sorry.  
  
~*~  
  
Never in a million years would she have expected to see him here. After all that he'd gone through to get the hell out of Capeside, she couldn't believe he was back, sitting on her dock, in her canoe. But it wasn't like she minded. Of all people, she knew she would always be able to count on Pacey to cheer her up. Maybe he had felt the same strange pull that had brought her back here, back home. Or maybe he was here for some other reason. But right now, all that mattered was that he was here.  
  
For ten minutes or so, they were silent. Joey had grabbed one oar from him, the pair rowing in perfect time without a word needing to be spoken between them. They flowed silently past the Potters', past the Leerys', past the Witters', and only then did they speak. It was Pacey who broke the silence.  
  
"Feels like nothing's changed," he murmured. Joey snorted.  
  
"I wish," she replied. With a deep sigh, Pacey continued rowing.  
  
When he stopped, they found themselves at the end of the creek, in the clearing that had once been "their place"; hers and Dawson's. And if you really thought about it, it was fairly ironic that they had ended up here. And a little awkward. But then Joey remembered that even Pacey hadn't known about this place.  
  
It had been their favorite hiding place during Hide-and-Go-Seek, their place to escape from their crazy home lives, and even from each other some times. But for some reason, they had never told Pacey about it. It was special, sacred. But now here he was and all Joey was feeling was that she was glad it was him.  
  
The little hideout had barely changed. There was the old tire they had made into a swing, the picnic table they had dragged over from the dump, and the hammock they had found in the Potters' garage. But where there used to be a painted wooden sign with their initials painted on it, there now existed only a small patch on the massive oak it had been tacked to that wasn't quite as weathered as the rest.  
  
"So this is it," Pacey murmured.   
  
"What?"  
  
"Your place. Dawson told me about it after you guys broke up. Some kind of betrayal to get back at you, I guess he thought it was." He laid his oar on the bottom of the boat and climbed out, leaving Joey with nothing to do but follow.  
  
When she was on dry land, she looked up, only to find him laying in the hammock, hands folded behind his head. A fond smile on her lips, she climbed in next to him, snuggling against his warm body with her head tucked under his arm. Almost unconsciously, he rested one of his arms on the small of her back, stroking in slow, comforting motions. The pair lay, silent, motionless, staring up at the stars above them, the only sound the typical Capeside white noise of birds and crickets and the ever-flowing creek.  
  
And this time it was Pacey who spoke first.  
  
"I don't know if I can do this anymore, Jo," he said sadly.  
  
"Do what?" she replied. He momentarily removed his hand from her back, gesturing at the two of them.  
  
"*This*," he said. "Us." And yet still, the hand returned, steady and unchanging as ever.  
  
"What is 'us', Pace?" Joey asked. "I'm not sure I even know anymore."  
  
"That's exactly it. Look, you know how I feel about you - you've always known. Since I tried to kiss you when I was five to groping you underwater when we were fifteen filming Dawson's movie to our first real kiss. I love you, Joey Potter. And I honestly don't know what I can do to change that. I dated Andie, I dated Audrey, I dated Jen, I dated Sadia...and, yet, there you were, the whole time, on the back of my mind."  
  
Joey sighed as she settled more firmly into his embrace. "I sense a 'but' coming up," she predicted.   
  
"There's no way to stop it. Believe me, I've tried. But I just...can't. And that's just the way love goes, I guess. But I don't see how I can keep on like this; how I can still be in love with you after all these years when your heart has always belonged to Dawson."  
  
"Oh, Pacey..." Joey rolled onto her side and lifted a hand to caress the side of his face. "Pacey, if I didn't want to be here, I wouldn't *be* here. Whatever it is you think I'm here for, you're wrong. I'm here for *you*. My life just took a nose-dive into the crapper, okay? The one guy I thought might be worth it left. Again. And yet you're still here. Always. *That's* why I came here. Because as much as we've been through together, you've never let me down. *Never*. That's what I need in my life, Pacey. Someone like you."  
  
A grin broke out across his lips and he looked down in embarrassment. But he just couldn't help it. Joey was here, now. And at lease if she left, for whatever reason, she'd given just what he needed: an assurance that she'd come back. To him. And really, that was all he'd ever wanted.  
  
Reaching over, Pacey raised his hand to Joey's cheek, mimicking her movements. "I'll always be here, Jo," he promised. "To catch you when you fall, to pick you up, dust you off, and send you off again. You are going to do great things in this world. And all I ask is that you keep me around while you do. Let me be there for you, let me help you." She smiled up at him, with a smile that seemed to light up the night around them. "So," he continued. "Do we have a deal?" In assent, she pressed a gentle kiss to his lips.  
  
"Deal," she agreed. Once again, she snuggled against him. His arms pulled her close, and hers encircled his waist.  
  
"I don't want to move, " she laughed. Pacey gave her a squeeze.  
  
"So stay here," he suggested. Joey smiled.   
  
"I think that can be arranged," she murmured, settling down for the night. Pacey kissed her softly on the top of her head.  
  
"Goodnight, Jo," he whispered.  
  
"'Night, Pacey," she returned. In almost no time, he was asleep, snoring lightly. A fond smile crossed Joey's face, but she didn't sleep just yet. Instead, she propped herself with one arm on his chest so that she could observe him.  
  
He looked so young. Well, he *was* so young, after all. But he liked to pretend he was older than his twenty-odd years. Getting rid of the beard had helped somewhat. But only now, in the midst of sleep, did he truly look his real age.  
  
And only now did she see it. Her Christian. Not Eddie, but Pacey. Her best friend, confidant, anchor. She wanted to his herself for not seeing it until now - all the lost time she had wasted trying to make herself into a reason to keep Eddie in one place, and he had been by her side the whole time, waiting, caring.   
  
To this day, Joey still wasn't sure why she and Dawson hadn't been able to get things together, no matter how many times they tried. Things hadn't worked out with Eddie because he kept leaving. But Pacey...Pacey took whatever she threw at him with a smile. What would one day probably be his downfall was that Pacey didn't give up. Ever. He had fought for her, tooth and nail, until the bitter end. Even after she had let go, he had held on with an iron grip.  
  
She made a mental note to tell him in the morning that this time, she was going to hold on even tighter.  
  
~*~  
  
FINITO. Thanx 4 reading, everybody! 


End file.
